Official Interview Transcript (warning: may contain cute images.)
Interviewer: “Miss Madeleine Rose, Congratulations on being named the Most Beautiful 2023! You must be shocked, grateful and thrilled. Thank-you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with us today.
Madeleine: Oh, thank-you so ever! Like, you know, as a new celebrity, I always want to make time for all the “Little People” in my life.
Interviewer: “Well, to be honest, Miss Madeleine, we are a bit shocked that you accepted our invitation… in lieu of the recent allegations made against you.”
Madeleine: “Oh really, What ever do you mean?”
Interviewer: ” Madeleine, you must be aware that several “Little People” have reported your recent misconduct at the NICU where you reside?”
Madeleine: “I really have no idea what you are referring to, but for the record, I am only too pleased to address any accusations, because as you all know, these lips can “speak no guile.”
Interviewer: “Alright Miss Madeleine, since you are denying all knowledge of any wrong-doing, let us be candid: Have you not been seen in the arms of several strangers in the wee hours of the night, holding, rocking and cuddling you?”
Madeleine: “Of all the outrageous….One moment, I need to consult with my legal advisor…
Madeleine: “I have been advised not to answer any further questions and must invoke my rights under the 5th Amendment (protection against self-incrimination.)
Interviewer: “Oh, for crying out loud. This is NOT a Court of Law but a magazine interview. You are NOT under criminal investigation. We are simply trying to understand how you can deny a simple truth.”
Madeleine: “Like, the truth you say? Where is your evidence? Like, you know, the idea of being innocent until PROVEN guilty?”
Interviewer: “Ok, we didn’t want to present this in such a graphic, public way, but you have given us no choice. If it is evidence you want, then it is evidence you will get. Read this Missy.”
Madeleine: “Oh no! I had no idea that this existed. OK, I confess, I have secretly being visited to, not by one Professional Cuddler, but by two of them. Annie and Melinda. They come in the middle of the night and just swoop me up into their arms, cuddling me for nearly three hours.”
Interviewer: “Madeleine, do you know how damaging this all is to your public image? And furthermore, does your Grandma know about this?”
Madeleine: “Oh for the life of me. Being cuddled is NOT a crime against humanity! Au Contraire.”
Madeleine: “But not telling Grandma is a crime. Oh my. What should a girl do? There is only one other person, besides me, that Grandma is obsessed with….Elvis. So, Grandma, here is my Elvis lip snarl and this Kiss is Just For You.”
Interviewer: “Miss Madeleine, we regret our time together is coming to an end. This interview has been most revealing, clarifying and refreshing. We hope you grant us sole and exclusive rights to all future interviews.”
Madeleine: “In your dreams! If there is one thing I cannot tolerate is deceitful, shenanigan interview tactics! And, man, I mean it.”
Madeleine: “Tomorrow is another beautiful day for this Beautiful Baby. I intend to enjoy every heart beating, snuggling, cuddling, consorting, darn minute of it. Like, put that in the Worlds Annals of All Interviews!”
Please view my newest Page, “Champion Defends Her Title.”
I am Madeleine Rose 