Today, I announce my candidacy to represent all smart, talented, gracious and conscientious Spina Bifida babies everywhere! For over a century, women across America have competed in the Miss America and Miss U.S.A pageants. As worthy as these competitions may be, I want every baby born in this world to be a Winner!

First and foremost, I know that ten little ladies from Texas have won the Miss U.S.A title alone. I don’t want to receive any unfair advantages, so appointing impartial and fair judges is very important. Here they are:

Again, I want all babies everywhere to be born with the same advantages as I have. I submit to the most intense and intellectually challenging interview questions in order to establish my credibility. “Can you repeat the question please?”

“What does World Peace mean to Me? You’re kidding right?” Maybe we should move onto the Talent portion of this competition….

My yodeling, grunting and posture strength compare to none!

What? I Won? Wow, I can’t believe it…well, actually I can. I win what? The honorary title of The Tiniest, Most Patriotic Baby Ever? I love it and I accept all the honors and privileges bequeathed to my royal infancy.

What do you mean I have been disqualified? I weigh too much? Any baby weighing 9 pounds, 5 ounces is automatically withdrawn from the competition? Well, OK, I resign….but I keep the weight, the pacifier and the token of appreciation. God Bless America!

Please view my next page titled “Artificial Intelligence”